Saturday, October 30, 2010

Day 13

    Thirteen days...One day shy of two weeks. I still can't believe that is all it has been! We are right at the half way mark now because he has been gone about 2 weeks and will be home in 2 weeks. I actually think the next two weeks will go by fairly quickly. This week definitely has compared to last week. I guess in some ways it gets easier and in some ways it gets harder. It is all a matter of perspective, I suppose.
    This morning was nice. The waking up part wasn't so fun since I got up super early. But it was definitely worth it because I got to have a little pamper time and went in for a mani/pedi. I got my typical french tip with the pink and white gel, then got the yellow deployment ribbon on each ring finger, and I picked out a dark color for my toes and got the ribbon on my big toes as well. Then I came home and hung out with the kiddos the rest of the day. Nothing on the agenda tomorrow, which I am happy about. I need a day to (hopefully) sleep in! I gave in and just brought Austin straight to my room tonight. Bad habit to start, I know, but he seems to have less nightmares when he is in my room. He still has them, just not as often. And its a lot easier if he is in here because I get to him right away before he gets into an all out panic, so I get him right back to sleep almost before he even wakes up. However, if this is going to continue, I am going to have to do something else for sleeping arrangements for him. He has been sleeping in the playpen because that's where he wants to be, but he is way too old for that. So maybe I will just bring his mattress in or something. However, tomorrow night I am going to just try to start him out in his own room again. I really don't want to start this habit. As much of a comfort as it is to me to have him in here, it's not good for him to get used to it. It will make it harder on him when he has to move back. I guess the best thing to do is go with my gut. Some women would probably criticize me for letting him in here at all. But I know my son and these nightmares are not normal for him. It has never happened until now. I know, even as an adult, if I wake up from a nightmare when David is here the first thing I do is reach for him for comfort. I can't imagine being a 2 year old and not even understanding the concept of a nightmare and waking up in a room by yourself, with no one to reach for for comfort. So whether it is the "right thing or wrong thing" to do, I honestly think it is best for him to have that comfort. And hopefully the nightmares will pass and things will go back to normal.
     This week has been a lot less stressful since I finished my semester last week so I don't have schoolwork, but at the same time I miss it. Being in school again made me feel like I was doing something with my life. Don't get me wrong, obviously raising my kids is doing something, but they aren't going to need me forever. And other than that, I have not really done much to further myself. When I joined the Air Force, it was going to be a career. I was going to do 20 years. I realize now that I never would have followed through with that because there is no way that I could be in David's shoes right now. I could never leave my kids, whether it was for a day or a year. There is just no way that I could do it. But then I also had big plans with my college stuff but I didn't even start that til less than a year ago because David was always in school and it would be too much for him and I both to be in college, plus his career and the kids, so I waited. And even if it hadn't been for this deployment, we knew that when my MYCAA ran out I was going to have to put it on hold because we did try doing it to where both of us were in college and it was way too much and we are hoping David can finish his degree in time to get commissioned, so obviously it is way more important for him to be in school right now. But for that time that I was in school I felt like I was doing something that not only I could be proud of, but my husband and kids could too. So it is kind of hard to going back to not really doing anything. Part of me feels weak because it leaves me completely dependent on my husband and that is a little hard to swallow sometimes. So I am kind of conflicted about how I feel with being out of school now. I just have to hold on to the hope that I will get to go back eventually. In the meantime, I have my kids to focus on and they keep me plenty busy! LOL! 
     Speaking of the boys, they crack me up. No matter how stressful things get those boys are good for at least 10 good laughs a day! LOL! Today we were in the van and Austin just randomly started barking and Aiden thought it was the most hilarious thing and he was just giggling like I have never heard him giggle! That is one of those moments as a parent where your heart just melts. Poor Aiden is teething though, so he had a pretty rough day. He has been drooling like crazy and he was extremely cranky, which is really out of the ordinary for him. He is a very even tempered child. In fact, most of the time you wouldn't even know he is there. All day it's "Austin, don't do that! Austin don't touch that! Austin give that back to your brother! Austin watch your mouth! Austin get out of the cabinets! Austin quit climbing over the babygate!" LOL! Meanwhile Aiden is just wandering around, quiet as can be!  So for him to be as fussy as he was today was pretty tough. I felt so bad for him. But one of the teeth that is coming in broke through and another one looks like its close, so hopefully he won't be going through it too much longer!
     Well, here it is after 1 again and Austin and I are still awake so I am going to get off of here and hopefully both of us will get some sleep! The highlight of the day was definitely the scene in the van with Austin barking and Aiden giggling. Those little moments are the ones that I live for!

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