Sunday, October 31, 2010

Day 14

     Exactly 2 weeks have gone by on the emotional roller coaster since my husband left. Emotional roller coaster is a pretty accurate description... the next best thing would probably be "the journey that makes me wonder if I am bi-polar" One day will be an "up" day and I will feel great, and things will run smoothly, then other days will be very "low" days where I feel very depressed and insecure and alone. One day it will seem like everything is in crisis, and the next it will seem like things are as right in the world as they can be, with part of my heart being on the other side of the country. I am having such a hard time reconciling my feelings. I don't know if this is normal or if I am just over emotional. Either way, this is obviously a very difficult process. The boys and I are doing really well as far as our day to day lives. That part hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it would be, but I miss David. Neither of the boys seem to really even notice he is gone. They get to talk to him on the webcam, so I think that helps a lot. I am glad that it has not been too difficult for them. I am also glad that I have been able to be strong and keep it together for them. I was afraid that the first couple days I would be a wreck, and who knows? When he actually leaves for the deployment itself, I might. But so far, I feel like I have done a really good job of keeping things normal for the boys. If nothing else, I have been doing more with them, with the playgroup and the sleepover with Nina and Keegan and stuff like that. So I am proud of myself for that. Even on the bad days, the boys can still put a smile on my face, and I can keep it there for their sake. 2 years ago I don't know if I would have been able to do it as easily. 
    One thing that I hate is that with everything else going on, it gets hard to keep up with the housework. That is the one drawback to having such a big house! More to clean! Most of the laundry is clean, but it's sitting around waiting for me to fold it and put it away. I have kept up with the dishes. But beyond that, the house is in bad shape right now! LOL! I feel like for every little bit I get done, I have the kids going behind me and messing more stuff up! LOL! I could do it after I put them to bed at night, but by that time I am exhausted too. I am just going to have to take a day next week where I put the boys up in Austin's room for a couple hours and I power clean. I have kept the downstairs somewhat presentable, but the upstairs needs A LOT of work. We opened a few boxes before David left and took everything out and scattered it all over the upstairs then ran out of time to put it away, so I need to get to that, but I am always going back and cleaning up the downstairs because that is what people say, so I never even get to the upstairs stuff. But I definitely want to have the whole house clean before David gets back! Which is in only 11 more days! I can't wait! 
     Well, here it is, 3 a.m.!  I need to get myself to sleep because tomorrow I get to take the boys trick or treating! YAY! Austin is going as Buzz Lightyear and Aiden is going as Woody! I have a pair of tight white capris and a Panthers jersey, so I am just going to wear that with a pair of Davids black socks that come up to like my knees and my tennies and go as a jock! LOL! 
     The highlight of my day was playing with my kids in their playroom :) I love the little moments I have with them! Well, it is WAY past my bedtime and I am exhausted so I am going to sleep! Goodnight!

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